maybe some of you will have the same feelings

I think I need psychological advice, but I decided to share it here in advance, maybe some of you will have the same feelings:
All three of them had health problems, and no matter how much we suffered, however, no medical help prolonged their lives, however, the fact is that when my mother died first, I fell into depression, because no matter how much I knew about the disease, nevertheless, until I didn’t realize the end or didn’t want to realize the final exit. awareness of reality (as a result of Parkinson’s disease), and I looked at him with a smile every day, so that he would not return to reality and suffer from the loss of a loved one (because every time he realized that he was experiencing this pain again, from the very beginning), 6 months later my father died, and I was firm again, because my my brother was hoping for me, I had to organize everything, I had to follow his medications, and in the end, having lost two parents, he didn’t really touch: Three months later, my brother died, leaving me all alone (and now don’t say that I’m not alone, and my children are my husband, because whatever happens without parents, we are left alone, I don’t have a sister to at least talk to, to share with her). on the day of my brother’s death, I felt that something was wrong, something was wrong, something was cold, I didn’t feel anything, no pain, no grief, just mechanically doing, talking, moving. It was this coldness that made me completely insensitive , everything around is nothing and no one can get out of themselves, bring them into the field of emotions, I froze so much that on the day of those UAVs that we all remember, when everyone was in a panic, I just grinned, and on the day of a strong earthquake I was afraid of at least a slight sudden earthquake, not to mention that my husband had a car accident (thank God, nothing happened to him). Help me understand why I don’t feel anything

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